I hate the term, but I guess you could say that we now have some ‘closure‘. This has been the crappiest few weeks of my life to date, to put it mildly, and now I can start to put it behind me.
I’ve learnt a lot about grief, relationships, and (as is always the case with these things) medicine. I now know the clear difference between ‘screening’ tests and ‘diagnostic’ tests. Screening tests are the ones that produce ‘likelihood’ or ‘chance-of’ results and more often than not scare the bejesus out of patients unnecessarily. But sometimes they are right. Our original screening test gave our chances of abnormality at 1/100. Scary, but remote. The next screening test increased that to 9/10. Then we had the soul-crushing but 100% accurate ‘diagnostic’ test.
I’ve also learnt about the compassion and skill of the doctors and nurses involved in this often thankless process. We had to be ‘buzzed’ through 3 doors to get access to the day clinic where abortions (among other things) are performed. I was initially bemused by the security, before the understanding dawned on me: the security was there to stop those idiots in this world that would seek to berate, abuse, or injure those wonderful people that helped us through these dark days. I can’t think of words strong enough to make comment here.
Where to from here? Recovery. Physical and emotional recovery. Thankfully she seems to be doing well physically, and we’re both definitely at the ‘guilt’ stage of grief, where we feel guilty that we’re not upset enough. Strange.