I’m working at a client site four days a week. The upside is that the automatic coffee machine out here makes fantastic mochaccinos, which forms a double mystery. Firstly, I don’t drink mochaccinos. It is true that I have friends who claim they are not gay and yet still drink mochaccinos, so I know what a mochacinno is, per se, but I personally have never been able to utter the ‘m’ word in front of a live barrista. Secondly, I’m usually too much of a coffee snob to get within 10 feet of an automatic coffee machine. Sure this one has fresh beans visible in a hopper, so at least it’s not one of those godawful cartrige-type machines, but it’s still an evil robotic coffee raping device (probably recently beamed down from the planet Nescafe on a mission to destroy all good coffee).

So how did this mystery of mysteries come about? I think it was an unfortunate juxtaposition of over-tiredness from too much Forza the night before, and a craving for caffeinated sugary beverages. The tiredness caused me to require a coffee, while at the same time causing my blurred vision to read Mochaccino as I.V. Short Black (although I still suspect that the evil robotic coffee raping device used its chameleon outer skin to change the button text just before I pressed it). Anyway, the result was a steaming cup of cold sick mochaccino.

So yeah, I drink mochaccino from an automatic coffee machine these days. I keep checking to see if I’m sprouting a mullet, and desperately try to avoid driving into a random trailer park on the way home, but so far everything seems to be working out OK.

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  1. Did you find that drinking the mocchachino made you virile and a solid performaer. I’ve heard the Aztec’s used mocacinno in various firtility rituals and at barbeques.
    But seriously a vending machine that grinds beans? What next a vending machine that tosses a fresh garden salad? A nice rare eye fillet? Perhaps a machien with a water filled lobster hopper, that whips up the bernaise sauce?

  2. I work at a cafe making coffee. I thought this would be good, however now all instant or machine-made coffee tastes … inferior. I’m thinking about buying a home espresso machine. I do not have a spare $1000. 🙁

    My life is ruined!

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